What I meant to say...
by Oriongirl
Summary: An alternate version of a scene from "Lineage". Things would have been VERY different this way...


This is an alternative ending for what I think is the most important scene in "Lineage", I would have liked to see this instead, because a lot of things were left unspoken in this episode…  
  
The characters, the ship, the episode and stuff are Paramount's, but this line of action is mine.  
  
  
  
1 "What I meant to say…"  
  
by Monika Reichelt (monika@fantastikspiele.de)  
  
Stardate 200203.12  
  
  
  
"You can easily say that. You're human.", B'Elanna Torres exclaimed.  
  
Tom Paris put aside the tool he had been working with and took a step towards the rear of the Delta Flyer.  
  
"Would you please explain what exactly that means?"  
  
He tried to keep the anger out of his voice, but didn't fully succeed.  
  
Up to now the fact that they were of different species had never really mattered in their relationship.  
  
"It means you can't understand what it's like."  
  
Tom looked down, took a breath, swallowed and managed to calm down – at least enough not to yell at her. What was she up to anyway? This beating around the bush wasn't like her at all.  
  
"Okay, then tell me!"  
  
"When all people around you are quite homogenous, and you're not, you start thinking that something about you is not right.", she explained.  
  
He couldn't stand it any longer.  
  
"But Voyager has never been homogenous! We have Bajorans, Vulcans, a Talaxian…"  
  
"And 140 humans.", she added matter-of-factly.  
  
Tom was stopped short. He eyed her warily.  
  
"So, have you ever been treated disrespectfully by one of them just because of this fact? Or have you ever heard that Naomi Wildman has? She's a very similar case, and she's the darling of the entire crew. I don't see why our daughter should not be treated the same way."  
  
"Naomi is not partly Klingon, Tom. She doesn't have these aggressive tendencies, and her species has not been the enemy of the Federation."  
  
"Nonetheless Ktarians aren't said to be the most trustworthy people, either, if you want to see it that way."  
  
Then another thought came to his mind.  
  
"And look at me, B'Elanna, even being fully human doesn't save you from gaining an unpleasant reputation. It depends on what you do, not what you are."  
  
She shook her head.  
  
"You don't understand…"  
  
Tom gently shoved his wife into the engineer's seat and crouched down in front of her, keeping his eyes locked with hers to prevent her from getting up again.  
  
He took a deep breath, not wanting to be upset while talking to her, not wanting to let slip something he would regret for days to come.  
  
He had to show her her true meaning to him.  
  
"B'Elanna, what I understand is that you are concerned for our child. So am I. And I certainly don't want her life to be miserable.  
  
But I don't want anything about her to be changed. Because the way she is right now is exactly how I want her to be: like you!"  
  
He tightened his lips, trying to figure out how to put the next sentence.  
  
The truth behind all her efforts – if it was the truth, but why else would she be so upset about it? – had only just occurred to him, and he had to put it straight all for himself first. He hoped so much that it was just an unintended implication.  
  
He didn't want to, but he had to put this into words – for better or worse.  
  
"B'Elanna, do you really believe that I love you in spite of your Klingon side? Or that I married you out of pity? Is that so?"  
  
She was taken aback.  
  
Not knowing what to respond, she just sat staring at him, trying to understand the meaning of his words.  
  
Had she been thinking this? Or had she said something that had led him to assuming it?  
  
For a moment she wasn't sure of anything at all.  
  
Fortunately he went on talking.  
  
"I hope you don't, because if you did, you'd be terribly wrong. "  
  
His expression was almost desparate now, his eyes searching her face for any sign of confirmation or denial of his theory.  
  
She wasn't sure her face could give the correct answer right now.  
  
"B'Elanna, I love you because you are YOU. You are unique. You are so many different aspects that come together and form the one complete wonderful being that you are. I couldn't pick one of them as my favourite – and I don't want to."  
  
He leaned back a few inches, suddenly realizing how close to her he had been, and not wanting her to feel cornered. But he did not get up.  
  
The last position he wanted to assume right now would be towering over her during this conversation.  
  
"You know, I think I've seen more facets of you than anybody else on this ship. ", he continued, softer now, but no less intense.  
  
"Not only after we got together, but even before that. Remember when I had to hold you off after Vorik had inflicted his Pon Farr on you? It wasn't that easy, but I managed. And I didn't stop talking to you afterwards, did I? Nor did I stop caring for you."  
  
His voice had almost dropped to a whisper at that point, and she remembered the conversation they had had in the turbolift after she had recovered.  
  
'You're afraid your big scary Klingon side might have been showing.', he had said, 'But you know what? I've seen it up close and it wasn't so terrible. I wouldn' t mind seeing it again some time.'  
  
Well, in fact he had in the meantime, on several occasions, and there was more than enough proof that he had definitely not been scared away by it.  
  
Living proof in fact.  
  
"Another example: I know it's not pleasant, but remember when those Vidiians had separated you into two people. I had a lot of time to talk to your human half. She was a nice girl and all, but she wasn't you. Something was missing then, and, like it or not, I was glad to see you being restored to normal."  
  
He ran a hand through his hair.  
  
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I wanted our daughter to be changed in any way, it would mean that I actually wanted you to be different, too. And I would never want that!  
  
I know you are sometimes at odds with yourself and the world, but no matter what, to me you are perfect, just the way you are. And I want you to never forget that."  
  
Tom exhaled slowly and finally got up again.  
  
"You don't have to say anything right now. Just let it sink in, think about it, and tell me when you've come to a conclusion. But I wanted you to know how I feel and that you –and her- ", he added with a glance at her abdomen, " are the most important people in my life."  
  
The look on his face showed clearly that he meant every single word of it.  
  
B'Elanna just nodded, still contemplating his words.  
  
It was a point of view from which she had not seen it so far. She had been too absorbed in her memories of rejection, scorn and distrust to remember that people could actually care for her like she was.  
  
It had in fact been another time back then, when she had been a child. People had rightfully been suspicious of Klingons, in general at least. And in later years she had already erected that protective wall around herself, so nobody had had a chance to prove her wrong or to even come emotionally close to her.  
  
Was it time to lower those shields now? Once and for all?  
  
Was she ready to fully accept what she was, without being able to run away anymore?  
  
Some people had already penetrated her shields, and she had let them: Tom of course, Chakotay, Harry, Janeway. None of them had given her any reason to worry. She had felt respected, accepted, liked,… loved.  
  
A small smile moved around the corners of her mouth.  
  
Nevertheless there had still been the option to retreat behind the wall again if one of them had tried to abuse or hurt her.  
  
Now this child forced her to stay out in the open, to stand her ground. As a mother she could not simply run away and hide.  
  
She wasn't sure yet if she was really up to that.  
  
On the other hand, the people she had allowed into her life had not let her down in all those years.  
  
They were friends, good friends, and in one special case much more than that.  
  
It was definitely worth a try.  
  
"I think you're right.", she finally admitted.  
  
Her voice sounded hoarse, unfamiliar. She cleared her throat.  
  
"Yes, I think you're right. It was a bad idea, and much too rash. I …"  
  
B'Elanna looked up into her husband's eyes.  
  
"I guess I've been overwhelmed by all these news. There are so many memories of my own childhood. It … "  
  
*Admit it, girl, you wanted to be strong, didn't you?*  
  
"It scared me, Tom. It was like a big heavy burden, and I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. I wanted to ease it a bit, but I seem to have started at the wrong end."  
  
He lowered onto his heels again.  
  
"I was scared, too. Heck, I still am. I don't know if I will ever be a good father. But how am I to know if I don't try?"  
  
There was the smile she loved so much about him.  
  
"We'll cope with it together. I'll be there whenever you need me. I'll do anything! I promise I won't let you down. Ever.  
  
But please don't have her genes altered. She… she wouldn't be ours anymore."  
  
She shook her head.  
  
"I won't. As I said, it looked like a good idea at first, but it's not the solution. I guess the problem is mine, not hers…"  
  
She looked into his eyes.  
  
"But you must help me!"  
  
Tom leaned closer, stroking her thighs with his hands on the way.  
  
"Of course I will. I promise."  
  
He turned on his roguish smile.  
  
"By the way: Did I ever tell you that I am very attracted by ridges?", he whispered.  
  
B'Elanna looked a little suspicious for a fraction of a second, then decided to play along.  
  
"Really! Can you prove it?"  
  
"I think I already have.", his hand caressed her belly, "But I'd repeat it any time."  
  
And then their lips finally met. 


End file.
